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SATIRE - Could an obscure goth band prevent nuclear winter? Geopolitical experts say 'Yes'

DETROIT - Oct. 10, 2017 - EntSun -- In an effort to prevent the total annihilation of all lifeforms, 4 Dead Grandpas will spend October busily releasing their debut album to goth industrial fans across the world - particularly one in North Korea.

It will be called 4 Dead Grandpas and will feature 4 songs, one for each grandpa - plus a fifth number to be released on November 1, the Mexican Day of the Dead. Each song will be formally unveiled during a "Wednesday Wake" scheduled on the calendar. And the collective purpose of these autumn happenings? To save our nation from nuclear winter.

You heard right.

Kim Jong-un, supreme leader of North Korea, reportedly said: "After I get done killing my uncles, I shall bring 4 Dead Grandpas to entertain my people. But if they DON'T play, I will have to obliterate the United States of America."

It's hard to believe, yes, but apparently a goth band from Detroit has captured the otherwise questionable heart of a crazy dictator, and 4 Dead Grandpas found their biggest support coming from a zip code north of the 38th parallel. In the early 2010s, bootleg recordings of their shows were smuggled into Pyongyang and 4DG became a sensation in the North Korean underground nuclear bunker scene. The recordings even made it into the hands of a young Kim Jong-un - and he's said to be furious that, despite their electrifying live shows, 4 Dead Grandpas never released an album.

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"The young leader is incredibly mad over this. It's not just President Trump's provocations," said foreign affairs expert, Professor Mikhail Knowalotz. "Sanctions haven't worked. Neither have appeals from Dennis Rodman. Kim Jong-un has made it clear to his ministers: There will not be peace until 4 Dead Grandpas release an album."

To quell the threat, the band will be releasing a new song each Wednesday in October on its website: https://4deadgrandpas.bandzoogle.com. #WednesdayWake begins October 4 with the release of the pulsating, gothic industrial anthem, "How Did Your Grandpa Die?" This track drops the Ultra Heavy Elderbeat so hard you'd think they were conducting H-Bomb tests over the Pacific Ocean.

Founding member Eli Granpasburg says the music will be hot: "Listen, whippersnappers. These songs will make your face melt like Grandma's grilled cheese! And after they do, hop on Twitter to share your thoughts using hashtags #WednesdayWake and #4DeadGrandpas. Feel free to share the songs with your family, both living and dead. In fact, add them to your Halloween playlist!"

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Here's some background data for you: Back in 2007, 4 Dead Grandpas crawled out of their graves, met for Sunday brunch and decided to start a goth band. They hit the stage like a bomb, playing a high-energy array of industrial rock and digital punk. Fronted by the fierce vocals of Jaysus (@JaysunRich), 4 Dead Grandpas brought their macabre theater to the masses, with shredding guitars to make devil horns fly high. Their music explored such themes as death, decay, being on a boat - all the things that make life interesting.

Now, exactly 10 years after first rising from the dead, they are back - to save our country (and get your nose).

And yes, though the quotes above may be fake, this album is as real as it gets.

For the latest news on 4 Dead Grandpas follow them on twitter @4deadgrandpas. #wednesdaywake; like them on Facebook at Facebook.com/4deadgrandpas or visit them directly at https://4deadgrandpas.bandzoogle.com.


Writing contribution by the talented and criminally underutilized Robert Del Valle.

4 Dead Grandpas - Jaysun Rich
Bette A. Noir

Source: 4 Dead Grandpas

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